Tuesday, January 29, 2008

The Art Of Fighting

"Some relationships start with fights...
But, usually only in romantic comedies.
Life's not the movies"
Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka and Toshihiro Kawabata,
Animal Crossing: Wild World, 2005
I personally find that couples breaking up is something too common to happen among secondary school students, when the transition process from a child to an adult is at the highest point. That is the time when all the hormones hit the peak and they will usually find themselves mixed up between love and lust. Some may have a crush on someone else at a moment, but the feeling is gone the next day. They call it monkey puppy love, but that is the time when some of them try themselves on different partners and see which one suits them best. They take it just like shopping for clothes in the malls. If the size doesn't fit, then just get a new one. It makes sense to a certain extend, but certainly they will find themselves having some hard time to maintain a long term relationship in the long run.
It is amusing each time I hear how easily my friends break up with their partners. In some cases, the relationship lasted no more than a week. You call that a relationship? But I admit, I almost screwed up mine as early as the first month of our relationship as well. It was for some silly misunderstanding and we ended up not talking to each other for a couple of days. However, having occasional fights in any relationship is not totally a bad thing. It is a good way for both parties to get to know and understand and appreciate each other much better. The fights we have don't get to the extend where we throw mugs while yelling at each other. How would that happen, when both of us are seperated thousand of miles apart. Judging from the fact that we are not staying together, we don't get to do that; we will just ignore each other and not in talking terms for some while, waiting for the other half to come back to do the reconciling job. It doesn't matter who is the first one to apologise, but the important thing here is that there must be one person bold enough to admit the mistake made and reconcile the other half.
Most often than not, I will be the one who will get to her after our disagreements or fights, saying sweet stuff like "awww baby, come here...". At the end of the day, it will usually end up with both of us reflecting about our silliness for behaving like a two-year old kid. I have know idea how the mechanism in our brain works, but our mood can just turned the opposite in one split second. I have my own fair share of being the first one to get to her to settle whatever misunderstandings we had and fortunately for me, she is understanding enough to forget about it most of the time. It doesn't get any thougher than being in a long-distance relationship like us, because we couldn't be there for each other physically all the time, especially when we pick up a fight.
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Airport seems to be a familiar place to both of us.
Nevertheless, for all the fights we have had so far, we managed to settle them in a good way. Like I have mentioned earlier, occasional fight between couple is common. When you hear a relationship which is free from fights, then that relationship will be something weird. It is after every fights that you will learn more about your other half, what they are comfortable with, what are their likes and dislikes, and try to figure out what is bothering them deep in their minds. I am not a type who will give everything to her. I don't want to spoil her by agreeing everything according to go her way as she can be irrational at times. In the early stage of our relationship, our conversations were only filled with sweet talks, and not once that we mention anything to the other half whenever there is something we were uncomfortable with. It's like sweeping all the not-so-nice stuffs we have under the carpet and only look at the good sides, without working to perfect those flaws. However, no one is perfect. These days, we can just talk about anything we like, and that has really make us closer. Much closer than before.
On the other hand, it is never a nice thing whenever we picked up any fights. Why would you want to be fighting away, when couples should be loving and caring for each other all the time, isn't it? But sometimes, fights are inevitable. We will be moody throughout the day and again, that is a silly thing to do. As far as I could recall, the last time we got ourselves in this situation was last month, just before I return to Malaysia. It was due to my attempt of finding excuses for not being able to online for several days with her, which made her felt left out. Apparently, telling her that I would be away for a ski trip has sounded almost convincing enough. I made her to believe that there will be no internet lines, as well as telephone signal from the ski resort. She believed my word in the first couple of days, but later she began to suspect something fishy was going on. That is why the surprise I planned initially didn't work out as much as I would like it to be.
I call it, one missed surprise.

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As cliché as it may look like, nevertheless I left something in the beach in Hokkaido last summer.
Back to this break up thing, I still could not comprehend it as for now. Some people find that saying out the phrase "LETS-BREAK-UP-THEN!" is just as simple as uttering the three words of "I-LOVE-YOU". Only say it, if you really mean it. If you are not committed enough into the relationship, then ask yourself why you indulge yourself in the relationship in the first place. That is why I had doubts whether our relationship will work out well before this. I never believe in long-distance relationships, not until I got to know her. I always wondered how will two person in love will be able to withstand the emotional breakdowns when the fact is that both of them are seperated miles apart and not able to be there to support the other half. My last attempt failed, was because the girl I was going for wasn't ready to commit herself in such relationship.
She once told me that she read an article discussing about this topic in some magazines that being in a long-distance relationship is one of the toughest test in any kind of relationships. So far, both of us have deal with it well (excluding those childish moments in the early stage of our relationship), and it has worked out much better than I had expected. Perhaps, it is because we are committed and whenever one of us is having one of those bad days, then the other half will always be there to show nothing but unwavering support to the other.
Our time spent together chatting has dramatically lessen since she went to Christchurch a week ago, due to the time zone difference of both places. Soon enough, she will be starting her classes and will be much busier than now; something we know will happen at some point. It will be at least a few years to go from now on, but I believe as long as both of us are committed into this relationship, it is not the hardest hurdle to go through. And I am very sure that she thinks the same way as well.
Right, baby?
P/S: This post is dedicated to her, and tomorrow will be half a year since we have been together ^.^


mg said...

awww.. soo sweet.. meltsss ^-^

mg said...

and love u.. baby.. =)

Anonymous said...

the picture... it works only one way...calvin heart mich.

mich...go to some random beach and do the same thing.... or you use sheep poo and fix those words

mg said...

haha.. dun have sheeps/cows here ok!!! but i will do it one day. with the sand of course =P

calvin said...

@ michelleg:
are you sure your place have beaches? i afraid you will end up fixing the words like how he suggested earlier - with cows/sheeps poo =P

calvin said...

@ kok hong:
we will see how creative she is next time :)