And What Is Not Love?

To be good at anything we have to spend time and effort studying and practicing it. To be loving we need to know what love is and what love is NOT. We should not confuse love with the Hollywood-type-of movie love. What then is love? True love at its very basic is:

1. Patient

• Do I accommodate his/her views, his idiosyncrasies and his ways of doing things?
• Can I overlook his shortcomings or faults?
• Will I be able to bear the blame and accusation?
• Can I accept him as he is?

2. Kind

• Do I have a kind heart towards him/her?
• Do I strive to make him happy?
• Do I uplift his spirit when he is anxious or depressed?
• Am I tender hearted towards him?

3. Forgiving

Mother Teresa says, "We must make our homes centers of compassion and forgive endlessly."

• Do I try to forgive endlessly at home?
• Do I harbor grudges over a long period of time?
• Do I hold on to resentment?
• Do I keep a record of wrongs he has done to be used against him?
• Do I try to forgive and forget?

4. Self-giving

• Do I make self-sacrifice for him/her?
• Am I generous towards him?
• Can I give in to the relatively unimportant comments and arguments?
• Do I give up my preferences, goals, comfort, time and energy for him?

5. Encouraging

• Am I always encouraging or am I critical towards him/her?
• Do I affirm him?
• Am I his cheer leader?
• Do I see his potential or do I see him as he is?
• Do I constantly find ways to praise him?

Have we spent the time to cultivate and nurture these qualities or are we so engrossed with making a living that we don't bother about such things? How then can we be good at loving?

Ultimately relationship, not what we achieved or acquired, is what matters most in life. So why do we allow our relationships to get the short end of the stick? When our schedules become overloaded, we start skimming-cutting back on giving the time, energy, and attention that loving relationships require.

What's most important to us is replaced by what is most urgent. When life on earth is ending, we don't surround ourselves with objects. What we want around us is people-people we love and have relationships with. In our final moments we all realize that relationships are what life is all about. Learning this truth sooner rather than later is wisdom. Why then wait until we are on our deathbed to figure out that nothing matters more than a loving relationship?

This Thing Called Love

LOVE. It's such a simple word yet it means a lot of different things. It varies from one person to the other. Try asking a seven-year-old what love means to him. Then ask a 20-year-old. You would not get the same answer. If you are still not sure, ask a 60-year-old.

I asked a primary school boy the question: "Love?" he asked me back. "Oh, that. Hmm…It means cuddling with mama, papa, abang and adik each night before I go to bed." Yes, that's what love is to a child. Impressive, if you ask me. A simple cuddle means the world to him.

Then, I asked a 21-year-old-college babe the exact same question. Her answer was: "Love? It means nothing to me. Love is so over-rated these days that no one actually means it when then say 'I love you'. I used to believe in love, but when my boyfriend cheated on me, I no longer have faith in love."

Sad, isn't it? Only 21 years of age, but no longer believes in love. It only takes one person to make you fall in love; it also takes one person to make you lose faith in it. Ironic.

I then asked a 73-year-old man: "Sir, what does love mean to you?"

"My child, love means the world to me. Love is the guiding force in my life. Love is why I wake up in the morning, Love is the reason why I cry at night, love is why I am still here living, love is why I believe in things, love is everything," was his answer to my simple question.

I was amazed by his answer. I then asked: "Love is everything? But why?"

He said: "Love, my child, is all we need. Love is all there. War is never an answer, for only love can conquer hate. Haven't you heard of that saying? It shows that love is a very strong force that guides us in life. Love isn't only a feeling. It is more than that. It is a thing, it is a someone. As for me, love is my beloved wife. She is love, and for that, love is everything," was what he said.

The things he said got me pondering. I compared all these three answers and I came to a conclusion. Love is a lot of different things to many different people.

It means the world to some people, it means nothing to others. And a person's perspective on love will change at different stages in life.

For the young boy, his parents and siblings mean love. The young lady, has stopped believing in it. And to the wise old man, everything is love. So you see, as you grow older, you become more mature and at that phase of life, you will start to find the true meaning of love.

Whatever love means to you, it does not matter. For love is universal. And with the presence of love, anything is possible. The young loves sincerely, the old loves unconditionally. There is no gap.