One Disgusting Post

Short note: If you are eating now, I advise you that you either stop eating or read this entry at some other time, after you are done with your food. Otherwise, I can assure you that you will regret it. Don't say I didn't warn you first.

I don't know whether I should laugh or cry when I first hear about this thing.

Stool test kit.

Here in Japan, they are so strict when it comes to cleanliness that we are required to undergo a stool test. But of course it doesn't apply to all the students in the college. We will be having a college festival early next month, and there will be food stalls set up during the festival. We, the Malaysian international students decided to join it and we will be selling satay and some other stuff on that day. So, every stall is required to send a few representatives to undergo the stool test. Most of the time, the ones who are preparing the food are supposed to be the one doing the test. However, who will want to be known as the person who did the ujian berak, right?

So, all kept pointing fingers at others when asked if anyone who would volunteer to do the test.

To make it fair for everybody, we decided that every single of us would be doing it. But there is a problem. We have seventeen Malaysians here and when we handed up the form with all of our names, the person-in-charge told us that they couldn't let everyone of us to take the test because the budget put aside for the test would be insufficient. The test will cost around 600 yen (RM 20) for each person, and they only wanted around five person per stall to do it. Once again, we asked if anyone wanted to do it, but there was no response heard. We planned to draw lots to pick the unlucky five at first, but in the end, those who haven't done it before were selected to do it. Prior to this, there was a hostel festival and some of us had done the test back then. So, it would be unfair to ask the same people to do it again.

Out of the five, I was one of them.

We were given two days to hand up our stool to the clinic. On that morning when I was supposed to collect my stool, I couldn't come out with any. So I thought I will try later that afternoon. When I came back from my class for my lunch break, two guys were so kind to put their stool on my table.

The present-of-the-day that I got.

I almost burst into laughter when I saw the tubes. Now, not only I have to be the one donating the shit, I had to be the one delivering the shit to the clinic too. Never mind about it. So, I took my tube and went to the toilet to collect my shit. In the instruction paper, we were told that we are not supposed to use the thin stick to dig our shit out. But that time, I could hardly push out any shit from you-know-where. I tell you, it was much harder than giving birth to a baby. I recalled one tips given by one of us who had done it before. She said it will be easier if we shit on a tissue paper and collect our shit from there. So, I tried that method and it worked. Otherwise, it will be almost impossible for me to collect my shit which had dropped into the toilet bowl. One more thing, I had to hold my breath as much as I could while collecting my shit because you will never want to know how nice the smell was.

After working hard in the toilet for almost ten minutes, I came out proudly from the toilet holding my tube of shit.

This is the reward after all my hard work.

My roommate had difficulties producing any shit on that day, and he tried the next day. Another senior of mine decided not to do the test in the last minute. So I went searching for a willing candidate to do it. It was hard, because everyone was not willing to donate their stool to be tested. I even went to the extend of asking a friend of mine to donate his shit again, and we will write a diferent person's name on it. In the end, one of my junior said he would do it.

I breathed a sign of relief.

The whiteboard at our floor in the hostel. That vacancy is available after my senior pulled out in the last minute. Syah was so happy after donating his shit by writing there, "Aku dah berak, yea! Yokatta ne!"

The next thing was to send the shit to the clinic in our college. When I enter the clinic, I saw one big box on a chair, and I knew for instant that those are shit collected from the students. I quickly filled in the forms and got out of the room because who would want to go near a box full of shit, right?

"People who brought their stool, please write today's date next to own name."

Anyway, I just feel that this stool test has some resemblance with sex and virginity. When you have never had you first night, virginity is regarded as a big thing. But once you have lost it, you will want more of it after that. Same applies to this stool test. After doing it for the first time, I am waiting for the next chance to do it again.

Nah, let you see some shit.

Yes, I really sound like a crazy boy right now.