Thursday, October 16, 2008

One Disgusting Post

Short note: If you are eating now, I advise you that you either stop eating or read this entry at some other time, after you are done with your food. Otherwise, I can assure you that you will regret it. Don't say I didn't warn you first.
I don't know whether I should laugh or cry when I first hear about this thing.
Stool test kit.
Here in Japan, they are so strict when it comes to cleanliness that we are required to undergo a stool test. But of course it doesn't apply to all the students in the college. We will be having a college festival early next month, and there will be food stalls set up during the festival. We, the Malaysian international students decided to join it and we will be selling satay and some other stuff on that day. So, every stall is required to send a few representatives to undergo the stool test. Most of the time, the ones who are preparing the food are supposed to be the one doing the test. However, who will want to be known as the person who did the ujian berak, right?
So, all kept pointing fingers at others when asked if anyone who would volunteer to do the test.
To make it fair for everybody, we decided that every single of us would be doing it. But there is a problem. We have seventeen Malaysians here and when we handed up the form with all of our names, the person-in-charge told us that they couldn't let everyone of us to take the test because the budget put aside for the test would be insufficient. The test will cost around 600 yen (RM 20) for each person, and they only wanted around five person per stall to do it. Once again, we asked if anyone wanted to do it, but there was no response heard. We planned to draw lots to pick the unlucky five at first, but in the end, those who haven't done it before were selected to do it. Prior to this, there was a hostel festival and some of us had done the test back then. So, it would be unfair to ask the same people to do it again.
Out of the five, I was one of them.
We were given two days to hand up our stool to the clinic. On that morning when I was supposed to collect my stool, I couldn't come out with any. So I thought I will try later that afternoon. When I came back from my class for my lunch break, two guys were so kind to put their stool on my table.
The present-of-the-day that I got.
I almost burst into laughter when I saw the tubes. Now, not only I have to be the one donating the shit, I had to be the one delivering the shit to the clinic too. Never mind about it. So, I took my tube and went to the toilet to collect my shit. In the instruction paper, we were told that we are not supposed to use the thin stick to dig our shit out. But that time, I could hardly push out any shit from you-know-where. I tell you, it was much harder than giving birth to a baby. I recalled one tips given by one of us who had done it before. She said it will be easier if we shit on a tissue paper and collect our shit from there. So, I tried that method and it worked. Otherwise, it will be almost impossible for me to collect my shit which had dropped into the toilet bowl. One more thing, I had to hold my breath as much as I could while collecting my shit because you will never want to know how nice the smell was.
After working hard in the toilet for almost ten minutes, I came out proudly from the toilet holding my tube of shit.
This is the reward after all my hard work.
My roommate had difficulties producing any shit on that day, and he tried the next day. Another senior of mine decided not to do the test in the last minute. So I went searching for a willing candidate to do it. It was hard, because everyone was not willing to donate their stool to be tested. I even went to the extend of asking a friend of mine to donate his shit again, and we will write a diferent person's name on it. In the end, one of my junior said he would do it.
I breathed a sign of relief.
The whiteboard at our floor in the hostel. That vacancy is available after my senior pulled out in the last minute.
Syah was so happy after donating his shit by writing there, "Aku dah berak, yea! Yokatta ne!"
The next thing was to send the shit to the clinic in our college. When I enter the clinic, I saw one big box on a chair, and I knew for instant that those are shit collected from the students. I quickly filled in the forms and got out of the room because who would want to go near a box full of shit, right?
"People who brought their stool, please write today's date next to own name."
Anyway, I just feel that this stool test has some resemblance with sex and virginity. When you have never had you first night, virginity is regarded as a big thing. But once you have lost it, you will want more of it after that. Same applies to this stool test. After doing it for the first time, I am waiting for the next chance to do it again.
Nah, let you see some shit.
Yes, I really sound like a crazy boy right now.


Crabbed!! said...


You have just been awarded the title "Weirdest photographer ever".

Anyone gave you the eyebrow when you took picture of the trash box?

Tau Sar Phneah said...

im speechless... :) :)

Endoru said...

All the fuss just for the festival? They must had serious diarrhea case before, hadn't they ? :)

Anyway, Randy is right. You are definitely taking awfully weird pictures. Thank God you didn't take any pictures of real piles of "stool". But, in the first picture with the whole kit set, do I see something in that tube that is the ... ahem ?

Gosh, what a way to start my morning. :S

ns29 said...

i have done with that =="

MichelleG said...

LOL. wtf virginity!! ahem i guess stuff like this will never affect med students. we smell poo in wards and yea this is nothing. really. =P

kh said...

cool! i've always wondered how this is carried out... go la.. take some detailed pictures of the whole process maaaa

Duke of mask said...

you are by far one of the bravest guy ive met ! its not bcoz of the stool test , BUT the fact that u posted it !Seriously , i applaud u la!U have the guts man!I will die of shyness if im ever gonna post that , LOL, bravo man!

specialhuman said...

lol...Y do u have to undergo that for preparing food? Berak tak bersih means food tak bersih? lol

I was hoping to see something more...explicit but I was disappointed in the end :P

calvin said...

@ crabbed!!:
thanks for the award lol xD
nope, i took that two pictures as fast as i could or else it would be embarrassing for me to be caught taking such pictures =P

18 October 2008 00:21

calvin said...

@ tau sar phneah:
never mind. you don't have to give a speech =P

calvin said...

@ endoru:
well, as far as i know, there were no such cases happened before. but well, they are japanese and you know how they work on these kind of things.

actually, i was considering to take those pictures as well, but i thought it would be too much. the blue jelly-like stuff is not the stool, but some chemical to preserve and avoid it become smelly, i suppose.

i hope you were not having your breakfast then xD

calvin said...

@ ns29:
do you like it? =D

calvin said...

@ michelleg:
see, i am so smart like that to come out with such theory wtf xD

calvin said...

@ kh:
you should try it at least once. you will want to do it again for sure lol xD

you know i am not going to post up a picture of someone shitting, right? >.<

calvin said...

@ duke of mask:
err, i admit it is something weird and rare to blog on something like this. die of shyness? i have done some other posts which were much more embarrassing though xD

calvin said...

@ specilahuman:
well, i suppose they just want to make sure that the people who are preparing the food are free from any disease. but personally, i think the dirtier the food is, they will taste better xD

i will do the test again when i see you next time, since you were hoping to see it xD

Reenybob said...

ill give u $100 if you blog a bigass pic of yourself on the throne :P hahahahhahaha

Cieri said...

I also have done with that last year....nothing biggie...

JingY said...

hi there! have been reading ur blog for some time and this post really made me LOL!! LOL =D

anyway responding to ur short talk, here are two sites where u can dl chinese and japanses songs :) both are very user friendly and are my favs, esp the jap one :)


calvin said...

@ reenybob:
ohh, no. i can't do that. otherwise my blog will be deemed inappropriate for small kids like you to view it later on xD

calvin said...

@ cieri:
you sound excited to do the stool test, aren't you? =P

calvin said...

@ jingy:
hello :)
another silent reader it seems. anyway, i'm just wondering, are you the jingy who i got to know from the national service camp few years back? or you are a different person?

yea, i'm not surprised that you find it funny, because i kept on laughing while blogging on this entry as well. and thanks for the recommendation. will have a look at them soon ;)

JingY said...

YUP i love reading blogs silently :p and no, i did not attend NS. hehe.. looking forward to read more abt ur escapades in Japan :)

calvin said...

@ jingy:
opps, guess i had made a mistake there =P

i see you prefer to be a silent reader. anyway, dropping some comments once in a while will be very much appreciated :)

and lastly, thanks for having interest about my life in japan lol =)

K3ViN said...

ohh my.. they really do that test? im really speechless..... this one really wired lor

calvin said...

@ k3vin:
i have no reason to make out on this, right? it is just another of the unusual things i came across in japan xD

baocong said...

haha.. here in kisarazu also same la
10 minutes meh? 30 seconds enuf :P i even helped other ppl by donating before =)

calvin said...

@ baocong:
for a pro in this field like you, 30 seconds is considered quite long already. i know you can easily get it done under 10 seconds, right? xD

i took ten minutes because my shit just didn't want to come out that day =/

baocong said...

ya, indeed 10 seconds will be enuf, but i need another 20 seconds to scoop the thing up and put it into the tube, clean my ass and pull up my pants + flush it away and say goodbye too.. so, 30 seconds =)

calvin said...

@ baocong:
lol, do you need to be so detailed?

baocong said...

haha.. blame the japanese.. the longer i stay here.. the more i may become.. not sure whether it is a good thing or not anyway -__-

calvin said...

@ baocong:
well, i suppose it is a good thing on other occasions, but definitely not this one xD

Endoru said...

Blue jelly to preserve the s**t. *haha*

calvin said...

@ endoru:
i wonder who would like to try that blue jelly xD