Saturday, March 15, 2008

Shall I Give Myself A Chance?

I was thinking over and over again whether I shall pen this post down.
It is not a common thing for me to post up a rant or emo post in my blog, but I just feel and hope that I will get better when I'm done with this post. I could not identify what had caused me to be emotionally down for almost the whole day yesterday. I slept early, hoping to feel a lot better this morning, but the uneasiness and misery still remained and still pretty much the same. The slight headache I am having at the moment didn't help much at all. There have been a lot of stuff that have kept me thinking, which I have no idea the need of doing that. That has cause countless of sleepless nights recently, something that I don't face before this. It is really frustrating in some ways for not being able to have a proper sleep. Yesterday afternoon, I was informed that all the students in my year will be given a double room, totally opposite from what we were told once. They promised us that we will be getting a single room from next semester onwards then. But now, they didn't deliver their promises and failed to walk the talk. I wouldn't deny that it spoilt my mood for the day 'coz I was so looking forward to hearing their announcement. But anyway, it has already being decided and I know I should not be complaining much.
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For the past couple of days, the internet connection in my hostel has gone haywire and it gets disconnected so frequent that it really test me patience. It is really hard to comprehend, especially when considering that the students are still away for their winter break and there are hardly more than ten students living in the hostel at the moment. I have no idea what is the problem, but it doesn't seem to get any better today. That is also one of the reason why the two of us aren't getting along well for the past few days. I mean, she is busy with her studies and by the time she gets back, it will get quite late and tiredness will get over her. We can't even have a proper half-an-hour chat without being disconnected and stuff. It really tests our relationship to the limits. Succumbing to this shortcoming is much more easy than facing the reality and working ourselves out to get out from the problems. It is not merely the fact that we could not talk much but there are other uncertainties as well. Are my askings and demands too much? Are we treating each other the way what couples should be doing? Or most importantly, did we make the right choice in the first place? Doubts and worries are beginning to make me ponder perhaps I should reconsider our relationship. I know this sounds silly for me to come out with such words out of a sudden, after what we have gone through so far but these are the things that has been going around my minds in these few days. Perhaps it is just because my headache. Perhaps it is because I'm just being over-sensitive. I don't have the exact answer. I wonder whether I should give myself, or more importantly ourselves, another chance.
Time will tell.
P/S: Thanks for your words last night and that entry this morning. Just give me some time.
P/S/S: Kevin, thanks for sending me that header.

11 comments:

CRAPPED!! said...

Dude....are you hearing yourself? You are fretting over not getting a bigger room!!! So not you...

You obviously need to work things out with her. I gone through the same thing once....my ex-gf was busy with her STPM and I kind of reconsidered our relationship and I chose to be a selfish bastard, ended the relationship. Now I'm regretting it.

Work it out!!

zhenhui said...

yeah true...work it out....
it's not easy i know..
somehow i have a strong feeling that u 2 are gonna work it out and come out stronger...
ganbare!

ps:i'm a girl...so my feelings are always rite... :D

calvin said...

@ crapped!!:
do i portray a different image to you, unlike what is reflected from my rantings?

first of all, everything's fine now between both of us. taking the similar decision as you would be the last thing i would have hope. thanks for your words and sharing your experience :)

calvin said...

@ zhen hui:
sasuga my ex-classmate cum ex-roommate cum ex-gay partner. you know my feelings so well. thanks a lot. but there's just one thing that made me thinking. since when you turned a transvestite?

zhenhui said...

oh...long story..last golden week...
i went to thailand...
one thing led to another...
boom!!! :D

michelleg said...

haha.. zhen hui soo funny. lol.

eh so now u must write good things about me dy.. =P

calvin said...

@ zhen hui:
why on earth didn't you ajak me to go along with you?!!
>.<

calvin said...

@ michelleg:
that's my ex-classmate cum ex-roommate cum ex-gay partner =)

zhenhui said...

@michelleg:
don wan ah...i work for money.... :)
calvin different ah...he provides me with sumthing else :)
hor calvin??? :P muah muah muah *lick* lol... :O

@calvin:
i ajak u...u dont want..u busy....u didnt care about my feelings...
u busy blogging....
so i went with jonathan bear la :)
he more passionate...
he even opens the door for me.....
not like u.... :P lol

calvin said...

@ zhen hui:
omg! lick?!! O.o
dei, since when i licked on you?

taiping and kuching have just lost two great guys, who have now turned into girls >.<

zhenhui said...

whatever calvin...
omg whateverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...*waives hand left and right* :D