Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Hua Hee Birdlay Gina!

I'm dedicating this entry to my ever-so-loving cousin, Gina. Opps, it should be Reena.

She was born in Singapore, raised in Singapore, educated in Singapore (and Australia), and married to a *ahem* dunno-who-yet *ahem*. So the total time she spend in Malaysia for her whole life is not even more than a year, I guess. As she is a Singaporean, Singlish is nothing alien to her. So, I'll try not to use English as much as I can in this entry, starting after the end of this line.

Actually hor, limpeh also dunch know si mi should limpeh write here la. You also neber stay in Taiping long enuf for limpeh to get to know you lagi best. Born born, oledi in Singakapoh liao. Samo last time, mana gort stuff like email, msn and brog mia. How you expect limpeh to contact you ler?

And your Engrish hor, very the sad case la. You can't even differentiate between Hokkien and Teow Chew. You wan limpeh give you eat tau eww oni you will neber mix the two ka? Ebelitime talk with limpeh, limpeh also dunch know si mi were you kap about. You make limpeh mia thau nau cin hin ee jor. If thau nau pien hin liao, kuu lai nau pun bo liao lor! Kalu limpeh bo nau liao, an chua ai ka lu communicate wor?

So, as a lemedy la, you lagi best take nite class from limpeh liao la. Dunch worry la, since you are my cousin, limpeh won't charge you much wan. Enuf by belanja limpeh yam cha ebeli end of session, can liao. That if you pass la. If you go and kambing my test, you lagi best watch out. Limpeh will wash you kau kau mia. That time, as a ganti rugi for my effort and time, you gort to pay limpeh 10 times. Understand bo?

Lagi satu hor, your bahasa. Failed la! Limpeh know la you nebe learn bahasa in Singakapoh before. Ni xue hua yu ma, shi bu shi? Tapi hor, you at least should know simpur ones ma. Such as 'Selamat pagi' ka, 'Telima kasih' ka, or 'Jumpa lagi' ka. But mana limpeh tau, the only words and phrases you know is 'Bodoh' and 'Untuk keselamatan anda, sila berdiri di belakang garisan kuning'.

Limpeh very the pelik la. How come you can memorise such a long phrase har? You told limpeh you hear that ebelilay in the train. Not bad liao lor. Solid job. So hor, limpeh think you must take combo nite class from limpeh liao. But if after you took limpeh mia bahasa class, and you go speak bahasa Indonesia, macam itu enggak bisa. Kalu mau bicara sama gua bahasa Indonesia, lu bisa pulang Jakarta.

How many years you've spend your life staying in Down Under ar? Since limpeh so liddat damn power give you combo class, you must also teach limpeh that Asutolia ang moh mia Engrish. Can bo? Limpeh hear that those mia Engrish bo siang with limpeh speak mia Engrish loh. Really ar?

Limpeh ci pang beli pokai liao lor. Eben lunch also eat roti and water nia. But dunch worry la. Limpeh won't be dying so liddat fast. Not until limpeh step limpeh mia Bigfoot on Asutolia first. Since limpeh so liddat bo lui liao, no nit kong wan send to you plesent la, eben wan to buy plesent also bo lui liao lor. Limpeh know you tulan limpeh liao now, right? Soli lor. Limpeh rili bo money liao ma. Ober bajet liao.

But hor, limpeh also not stewpid la. Limpeh think think think long long, then gort one dunno si mi thing, like gort light mia bulb come ting ting ting on top of limpeh mia head. So hor, limpeh gort one idea liao lor. No nit use money also can make you hua hee liao mia. You wan to noe the way? Aiyo, why so liddat stewpid wan. Now you ma getting your plesent liao lot. This entli is wlitten speshurly for you wan lor. Hua hee bo?

Enough of those crapping. I afraid some people will go crazy reading my England above. Sorry guys if you don't understand what donkey language I was ketam-ing. You can ask me anytime on any words that you don't understand or couldn't get what I was trying to say in the comments box. I'll try to translate it into as many languages until you get the meaning.

I've ran very far, too far away from my intention for this post actually. But I'm sure you don't mind right, Reena? So here wishing you:

Hua Hee Chap Pek Birdlay! Opps, I guess I'm still in my Singlishland. It should be:

Happy 18th Birthday!

Wishing you all the best and hope you'll get what you've been wishing for all these while. I know now is still to early to get a husband. But when you get one, either it's an ang moh or pek moh or lam moh, you just make sure you won't lut tham moh too early after you got married!

P/S: When I asked you for your pics, you was reluctant to send them, afraid that I may edit them and turn you into some monsters right? Don't worry, I'm kind enough. I just did one of them. And it's not even a monster.

I know you will love this. Right? Right? Right?
A simple "Terima kasih" will make me much happier and brighten my day! Hehe ^.-

4 comments:

Reena said...

OMFG CALVIN ONG!
ok i can sort of understand lah. BUT THAT LAST PICTURE DAMN FANTASTIC LAH! =D

yeah i am super hua hee alr :) totally make my day okay.

TERIMA KASIH HOR. ^^

Reena said...

OMFG CALVIN ONG!
ok i can sort of understand lah. BUT THAT LAST PICTURE DAMN FANTASTIC LAH! =D

yeah i am super hua hee alr :) totally make my day okay.

TERIMA KASIH HOR. ^^

Reena said...

OMFG CALVIN ONG!
ok i can sort of understand lah. BUT THAT LAST PICTURE DAMN FANTASTIC LAH! =D

yeah i am super hua hee alr :) totally make my day okay.

TERIMA KASIH HOR. ^^

Calvin said...

@ reena:
haha! i know you are so happy until it made you send in 3 SAME comments at once, right? ^.-

by the way, once again, hua hee birdlay! :P