Sunday, July 29, 2007

Satay Is Much Better Than Sushi

Will you take a life partner who is from a totally different background form you? This is what I've been thinking since I came to Japan. I know here people have been saying about their kawaii chicks and such stuff. So is there any chance I will get Japanese chick and eventually be my life partner?
The answer is a big NO!
There are quite a number of reasons which I guess this entry will not meet the end if I were to list them down. So, here I'll give the top 3 reason why Calvin will never get a Japanese wife.
#3 Name
When you are married, making kids should be a normal process. When your kids have been made, surely you got to name them. As the Japanese will usually use the guy's surname for their kids, so generally, I will be using Ong for my kids. But then, of course she would want to have some Japanese taste in the name. Lets say I name my child as Yuki Ong. Join them together and you will get YuKiong. Sounds like 'You Kiong!'
Everytime I call her, it's like I'm asking her to kiong! Sorry, that's too horrible.
#2 Size
Size does matter after all. You see, Japanese are generally short. Having said that, there are of course tall ones. As I have mentioned before this, I wouldn't want to have a wife which don't even reach my chest. That will surely men-siasueh-kan both of us. Both of us will looked abnormal. One too short, another one too long. One of the hard part will be when we are walking. My elephant one step will easily be her hamster three steps. Even if I walk a little bit faster, she will be having a 100 metre race on her own.
Kissing part is another thing. It will be either she stand on the chair, or I bend down. Or if we wanted to try the unusual, she can jump and hope that the kiss reaches the right target. But that will be a little dangerous as the chances of her getting her target spot-on is next to zero. So if she missed the target, which I would say almost certain to happen, it will be like a woodpecker getting its beak stuck on a wood and got stuck there like that. She will be having the 'best' lips in the world by that time. Too terrible, horrible and vegetable liao.
I wanted to go even further than just kissing. But I will take the safe route and stop here.
#1 Communication
There will surely no other better reason than this. Communication problem within both of us shouldn't be a big problem even if she fail her England because I can still use my half-passed Japanese. Worst come to worst, we will just be using sign language. But problem crops out when she talk with my parents. I did ask my parents before this how if I really get a Japanese wife eventually.
"You no need to mengada-ngada now. Malisia here so liddat tai pa girls. Even if you marry a Indian also neber mind."
I was actually hoping to get such reply like above. But unfortunately, of all the response I was expecting, this was what I got in return.
"That one I leave it to you liao lor. If you want Japanese, then I won't kong anything also la!"
What does that mean? Telling me to get a Japanese wife or what? But did they ever think what could happen if they are talking to her? It should be something like this. Imagine my wife during the first time meeting my parents.
Jap Wife: Konnichiwa!
Mum: Konichiwa! (this part, my mum still okay)
Jap Wife: Ogenki desuka?
Mum: Wei Calvin, hamik your wife is crapping la? Wa beh chai ee kong ha mik neh (starting to kan cheong already)
Jap Wife: Akiko desu.
Mum: Ei Calvin ar, why your wife asking me to test the kiko shoes la?
By that time, my dad will surely be eager to start enter the conversation already.
Dad: Hi!
Jap Wife: Konnichiwa!
Dad: Err…
Jap Wife: Akiko desu.
Dad: Haik! haik! Honda, Mitsubishi, Toyota! All bely good!
Jap Wife: Nandesuka?
Dad: Suka? Hamik suka bo suka? Lu ee bor meng wa suka yi si bo? Ka lor (basket) la lu. Lu kong hamik? Wa lang beh chai neh. Calvin, lu ka ee kong wa lang mai kong liao neh!
That's a result of a chicken talking to a duck. Nothing surprising. So guys, remember this. Satay will always be much better than sushi. I did say that I'll never get a Japanese girl, right?
But you know what, I never say never.
P/S: Regarding the #2 reason about height, I have no intention whatsoever in insulting anybody which is short. I never thought of doing that. That was just cerita rekaan semata-mata. Tiada berkaitan dengan yang hidup, separuh hidup ataupun yang sudah mati. I hope none of you will take it seriously.

43 comments:

michelleg said...

never say never? haha u know how ppl always end up with someone they say they wont marry? soo.. i guess ur wife's really going to be a jap.

and u insulted me with point no.2... :( i know im short okay.. hhaha..

Calvin said...

michelleg: zettai ari enai! no way! i know there are some people which says like that but i'm not categorised in the group comprised of such people. i'm very sure about that ^.-

i never even have the thought of insulting anybody la. you were just too sensitive :P

michelleg said...

haha. we'll see. if u marry one how??

not sensitive, so freaking obvious..

dodo said...

yeah japjap. Don let us catch u one day with a japanese wife ar. N yeah!!! so sad. u insulted my height too!!! i knw im short either. sighs. u're soooo mean lar. u eventually shoot us with that point ler. i knw lar. im 123cm n u're 190cm mah. its like u're taking a monkey out for a stroll huh. wat da!!!! *grrrrrrrr*

Calvin said...

michelleg: i will let you create one denda for me if that happens, okay? so, what you going to denda me? :P

read the p/s below :P

Calvin said...

dodo: you will never have the chance of me being with a japanese wife. i didn't say that i'm referring that to you wor. so are you the one who ate the chilly and feeling spicy now? :P

-waiwai- said...

wei.... cal...
seldom ppl can grow until 190cm ok...
it is not because asian ppl is too short... is u r too tall...
u find me 10 ppl got 190cm in malaysia lah...
u hurt many ppl heart leh...
haih....

dodo said...

ish! no lar. not till that tahap yet. not till the hot n spicy rank. only reached the puto rank nia. i was the one who failed to eat the puto.

ns29 said...

LOL
i like the conversation part!!
chickens VS ducks

Calvin said...

waiwai: i know i'm too tall. but at the same time, i'm NOT insulting anyone. i've repeated that many times enough already.

i will find you those 10 people who has 190cm and above. then you will see that i'm not so abnormal afterall.

Calvin said...

dodo: i thought puto plants is very short nia. why you failed to eat them? you couldn't reach the puto plants ar? :P

Calvin said...

ns29: in the end of the day, both the chicken and the duck will ended up miao miao-ing each other :P

dodo said...

ish! test ur intelligence or mine huh. tembak me back somemore heh. yealor. i have sufficient point k. didnt i juz say i am 123cm. of coz i cant even reach the puto plant lar. wat to do. sighs~

-waiwai- said...

eh hello....cal...
i din said u abnormal ok... what lah u...
i think ah... cal... u 吃不到葡萄说葡萄酸... cannot get japanese girl... said them short...
later ah u get one... then u won say like that liao....

Calvin said...

dodo: then next time right, try plucking watermelon la. since the watermelon plants grow on the ground. so you won't be needing to jump up and down for the puto liao :P

Calvin said...

waiwai: all this while, the puto i eat are sweet nia. i never tasted sour puto before yet also. so i will only stop eating puto if i start eating some sour puto.

dodo said...

haha.. okie. thanks for the suggestion. well. thats a credit for me. i am short n its easier for me to pluck for watermelon. but for u ler...erm..i guess its a disadv for u lor since u're too tall that u might suffer from backache in tat u need to bend dwn to reach for the watermelon. damn susah mia~! hehe ..tembak me somemore huh.

lai ..put horse come come.hehe ..

michelleg said...

tooo lateeee! ur disclaimer came too late. nasi sudah menjadi bubur..

hiak hiak..:)

-waiwai- said...

cal... sour puto good... can make wine leh... u should try loh...
but i scare when u try liao... then u dun dare to eat again...

Calvin said...

dodo: i don't act like a wild niao by simply intrude people's fruit farm and woodpecker their watermelons la. i get my watermelons from the supermarket. so, i don't need bend down also ^.-

Calvin said...

michelleg: my nasi not yet become bubur la. it's stil in the porice stage. still remember what porice is? :P

Calvin said...

waiwai: i didn't say i've never tried wine before. i just said i don't like sour grapes :)

dodo said...

yeahh right?! supermart stores still need u to bend down to pick for the fruits one k. don tell me u don need to k. mai kckc ok. sighs. this would be the never end tembaking process. eh japjap..r u tryin to get us help u to over hit the comment box for the week?

-waiwai- said...

"Calvin said...
waiwai: all this while, the puto i eat are sweet nia. i never tasted sour puto before yet also. so i will only stop eating puto if i start eating some sour puto."

eh hello... u said u never tasted sour puto wo... now u said u dun like... u never try how u dun like...

Calvin said...

dodo: i don't know why, but the watermelons i got from the supermarket seem to be placed within my reach without me having to bend down.

it wasn't my intention to tembak anyone. it's just that some niao who got terlepas from zoo negara and i got to tembak it before it spread the bird flu around the world :P

Sing Yee said...

Walau eh!!! I really hampir fall off my chair of laughing! The madeup conversation is so damn funny la! XD

Calvin said...

waiwai: i will start disliking sour grapes the moment i got to taste them. i never said i won't try it coz you never know the grapes you are going to eat is sweet or sour :)

rojakrojak said...

oi. everyone. SHADDAP. macam chicken and duck, so noisy
hahahaha

-waiwai- said...

eh hello.. cal.. u din get my point lah... just now u said u dun like... but u said u din eat sour grape b4... how u know the sour grape taste like if u never eat... and how u suppose dun like the sour grape if u din taste b4...

dodo said...

huh?? which niao were u referring to?? duh!! i aint knw ler. i am dodo the bird. not the niao that u're talking about. probably could be the niao from China gua.

somemore i am an endangered species. i bet that niao cant be me. i shd be protected ler. aiks...when u wana stop the tembaking game? it's exceeded liao ler. 30 comments d man!

Calvin said...

sing yee: that wasn't a made-up conversation. that is something sure to happen if i were to get a japanese wife :P

Calvin said...

waiwai: simple nia. just send me a box of grapes and let me taste them. but if i found out that it's sour, then sorry lor :P

Calvin said...

dodo: as i always said, the one who ate the chilly will feel the spicy feeling. if you think you are not the niao, then fine.

but isn't that bird and niao are just from the same family nia? :P

-waiwai- said...

cal... japan dun have grape meh...
want me to send u somemore... i dun have so many money loh...

dodo said...

like i said. Bird sounds like u've got a higher status while Niao sounds like those cheapskate term. haha ..duh! my opinion. n thats y ur vote for the niao would owes be 0%. hehe ..enough lar.

im gona make an end here. wana play the tembak game, then msn lar. i had enough d. over exceed liao ler. 34 liao ler.

-waiwai- said...

ya loh...dodo... stop all the crapping thingy lah... haih
cal... i think this is the 1st time ur comment can be over 30...

lasilasi said...

lol this entry is so funny! especially the elephant vs hamster steps kakaka...

but then again, the gals in japan really dressed up well - wanted to go there shop again hehe!

Calvin said...

lasilasi: actually right, it should be hamster's thirty steps. i did some miscalculation on that. pity that hamster got to open big big steps :P

by the way, have you been to japan before?

hairypotter87 said...

wow,so horrible lah if u name ur daughter as yuki...haha,may be u can try to consider to name ur son as yuki juz in case ,unfortunately,the 0.0001 % come true..

Calvin said...

hairypotter87: that is why i said i will never choose sushi over satay. and on that 0.0001% thing, i have only one word for you.

CHOI !!!

Stan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stan said...

Calvin~~~!!!

I am so gonna roast your ASS if I ever see you in person. And you know why...hahahaha!!

That said, I guess I can relate and empathise your feelings, having had a japanese ex and a japanese gf currently..But in my case, point 2. was not so serious lah - the gf stands barefooted at 165cm hehe.

But point 1. is certainly a very legitimate concern. My gf isn't too good at her english and whenever she speaks with my mum over the phone, it's actually funny to see turning red in the face because she doesn't understand everything mum says lol.

Still, a japanese-chinese-german name might actually sound sexy. I'm sure alot of ladies will agree with me hehe.

calvin said...

@ stan:
seriously, i have no idea why are you going to roast my ass =P

as a matter of fact, most of the japanese girls nowadays are quite tall already. but like how you agreed with me on point #1, it will be tough to get used to the language differences.

now, i am looking forward to see your japanese-chinese-german baby in near future =D